THINGS YOU HEARD US TALK ABOUT

There is no shortage of bizarre products and tools claiming mystical weight loss properties that will have you dropping pounds as if the basic rites of diet and exercise never existed. My personal favorite pitch thus far is that of SlimScents, which urges you to, and I quote, “harness the POWER of an EXCITING new research breakthrough” to “sniff yourself thin.” Convincing, no?

Alas, my beloved SlimScents have been upstaged by the latest and greatest in fraudulent weight loss technology: Prends-moi, now available on the British market, is “the world’s first slimming fragrance,” designed to “slim with pleasure” using ingredients that release endorphins already present in the body to trigger a “pleasure message” within the brain. (Also noteworthy: egregious overuse/abuse of the word “pleasure.”)

I would suggest that this parfum de minceur (“thinning perfume”), which retails for a relatively affordable £29.99 (about $50), would make for a particularly entertaining Beauty Test Drive … but 6,000 other gullible gym and lettuce-averse idiots have already beat me to the waitlist. I suppose my poor body image and I will be resigned to sub-par SlimScents for the foreseeable future. Or I could just, like, go for a walk or something. [Refinery29 via Daily Mail]
(The Frisky)